


Genius, Billionaire, Playboy, Philanthropist, Texter and Part-time Dad

by barton_s



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Anyways, Avengers Family, Don't Examine This Too Closely, F/M, Fluff and Humor, How Do I Tag, M/M, Multi, My First Work in This Fandom, My first work ever actually, Post-Avengers (2012), Tony Stark Has A Heart, a lot of flirting, chat fic, idk - Freeform, idk how the tags work even, it's basically tony stark, that tag was suggested and very true, this entire account was an impulse decision, this is sort of multiship?, this was an impulse decision
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-05-03 16:24:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14572923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barton_s/pseuds/barton_s
Summary: Basically Tony Stark hitting everyone up at various times (except Peter Parker cos he's being a Dad™ to peter)





	1. Booty Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is basically Tony is hitting Strange up. period. he is also 1) really petty 2) helplessly flirting and 3) That Protective BF
> 
> It's my first work ever so please leave comments and stuff, this is not a high school au or anything it's kind of just where everyone knows each other without iw happening and they r all happy and chill and nothing bad happened,,,,. ANYWAYS take this with a light heart and enjoy (it's also a major WIP so im still undecided on how things will go LOL)
> 
> notes at the end will explain sort of the relationship dynamics between the two characters features in the chat (it's mostly tony/someone else)

** Monday, 8.03pm **

 

**Tony:**  hey strange

 

**Dr Strange:** Yes?

 

**Tony:**  steve and I were supposed to have dinner at 9 but he’s on an urgent mission, you wanna come over instead? 

 

**Dr Strange:** So am I some sort of booty call now? 

**Dr Strange:** Who has dinner at 9 anyways? 

 

**Tony:** idk, it’s easier to keep him over for the night

**Tony:** anyway, yes and no. I prefer the term “conditional first choice” 

 

**Dr Strange:** … Okay… 

**Dr Strange:** I think the term “convenient spare tire” suits it better.

 

**Tony:** c’mon, I’ve already set up a nice candlelit table and a bottle of wine.

 

**Dr Strange:** CANDLELIT? Just for the two of you? That’s…

 

**Tony:** ok enough

 

**Dr Strange:** G A Y

 

**Tony:** StOP I just value my fine dining experience, ok? now you can enjoy a nice dinner with exceptional company.

 

**Dr Strange:** Wow and I really wanted that

 

**Tony:**  yep I know that’s why I’m offering you the chance

 

**Dr Strange:** …

**Dr Strange:** I don’t even drink anymore, you know that. And I don’t eat meat.

**Dr Strange:** And I’ve finished my dinner since I, like a normal human, have my dinner at 7

 

**Tony:** ok I get it mom I’ll prep your favourite shit flower tea and u can drink and do your yoga or whatever wizards do at 9 while I have my dinner, ok? 

 

**Dr Strange:** DON’T CALL ME A WIZARD

**Dr Strange:** & I think by ‘shit flower tea’ u mean chamomile

 

**Tony:** I meant shit flower tea, no confusion intended.

 

**Tony:** … just come over, please, your highness. 

 

**Dr Strange:** …

**Dr Strange:** One condition

 

**Tony:** oKAY FINE I won’t make any wizard jokes/mention Hogwarts for the week.

 

**Dr Strange:** Deal, be there in a sec. 

 

 

** Monday, 11.48pm **

 

**Tony:**  strange I thought I told you to text back when you were home.

 

**Dr Strange:** … I portal-ed back. 

**Dr Strange:** You literally saw me go back to my place

 

**Tony:** well some other alien creature could’ve portal-ed back with you. 

**Tony:** wait did you just say “portal-ed” 

 

**Dr Strange:** That’s beside the point

**Dr Strange:** Tony, if u wanted to continue the conversation you could just send me a text, y’know? 

 

**Tony:** LOL that’s funny, I was just trying to be concerned about your safety.

**Tony:** definitely if I wanted to talk to you I’d just text

**Tony:** who cares about that texting first thing, right?

 

**Dr Strange:** Mhm…. sure…… 

**Dr Strange:** In any case it’s getting late, I’m getting drowsy from the tea, let’s both get some rest.

 

**Tony:** Is that you saying goodnight first? ;-)

 

**Dr Strange:**  Sigh... if that makes you happy then alright I guess goodnight

**Dr Strange:** Also why is there a nose on that thing

 

**Tony:** ‘that thing’ is a smiley face. 

**Tony:** but alright then, goodnight. hope you enjoyed yourself and thanks for spending the evening with me

 

**Dr Strange:** … That’s sweet of you. Of course I enjoyed your company, Stark. I always do. 

 

 

**Tony:** so…

**Tony:** the next time you visit Hogwarts you’ll bring me along? 

 

**Dr Strange:** … I take back everything I said. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont know how this went but i hope you liked it and as mentioned above, here is a breakdown of their relationship
> 
> Tony > Strange: just flirts around a lot but of course cares for strange, whether this care is just towards a Friend From Work or something else he doesnt rly know, but he's just having fun with it anyways (playboy..); strange also weirdly understands him better than he should and that sort of scares him but is also weirdly reassuring
> 
> Strange > Tony: finds tony good company and genuinely sweet at times, but his jokes gets on his nerves more often than it should; he's used to tony's bs and can sort of understand tony's roundabout way of talking about things and that's why he and tony can chat the way they do


	2. let's talk about friday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nat is literally the only person who can manhandle tony. a tru queen and godsent.  
> this chapter has also slightly Soft™ parts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) i've given up on IDs bc it feels a little ooc and weird either way... (in this chapter tho nat = natasha/black widow)   
> 2) some things are gonna be left a little unexplained till the next chapter but everything will be clear!! soon!!   
> 3) this is a sliiiiightly shorter chapter so the next chapter's gonna be longer to explain things also.

** Tuesday, 5.45pm **

 

**Tony:** hey nat

 

**Nat:** no

 

**Tony:** … i haven’t even said anything

 

**Nat:** no

 

**Tony:** i just wanted to ask if you could help me pick a gift for steve’s birthday

 

**Nat:** y’all are still together? the last time I spoke to steve he said you were busy flirting with strange. 

 

**Tony:** … he’s the one busy with all of his stupid missions

**Tony:** anyway we were never together, getting a gift is just me showing my appreciation to my team mates

 

**Tony:** (but was he jealous that I’m talking to strange?)

 

**Nat:** wow. you are literally a total dickhead.

**Nat:** if you really want to know you can ask steve yourself, i’m just here to help pick a gift.

**Nat:** which btw u aren’t giving me anything to choose from.

 

**Tony:** okok here

 

** Tony sent 2 images **

 

**Nat:** hmm… both of them r kinda ugly…

 

**Tony:** wow

**Tony:** both of them are also designer and worth a lot

 

**Nat:** tony…

**Nat:** you know steve doesn’t care about the worth of it, it’s just a wallet. he’ll like it as long as it functions as a wallet. 

 

**Nat:** and, of course, if it’s from you.

 

**Tony:** … you sure?

 

**Nat:** yup

**Nat:** talking about gifts, have you asked thor about friday night?

 

**Tony:** I’m going to ignore the fact that this has completely no relation to gifts

**Tony:** but hmm….

 

**Tony:** oh ok, I have a plan :-)

 

**Nat:** a "plan :-)"? the last time you had a "plan :-)" you literally just didn’t send him an invite. 

**Nat:** and like the petty bitch thor is, he literally made it rain on our parade. 

 

**Tony:** yeah that was real rough…

**Tony:** it was even more difficult keeping banner from hulking out 

**Tony:** but anyway don’t worry, I have my way of settling things

 

**Nat:** sigh...  just don’t get me to fix the mess like you always do.

 

**Tony:**  alright little miss bossy got it 

 

**Tony:** wow so which wallet do i get steve...

 

**Tony:** nat??

 

**Tony:** damn you're good at this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if this chapter ended abruptly that's bc it did end abruptly..,,,,, but anyways
> 
> nat > tony: kinda like a big sister??? which sometimes confuses her bc she NEVER once signed up for this shit and here she is... she has a knack for understanding people's insecurities and therefore is nice towards tony (most of the time)
> 
> tony > nat: lowkey loves to annoy her Just Because, and relies on her heavily to keep things in order (bc things can get p out of hand with a bunch of people who... are only good at saving the world sometimes); teases her a lot like a brother would towards his sister and their banters/fights/arguments never leave permanent scars.


	3. it's not easy being a Dad™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony is basically a single dad wanting someone 2 love at this point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) peter is of legal drinking age in this  
> 2) this chapter will hopefully clear things up a little also   
> 3) this is not!!! as angst!! as it seemingly ends!!!

** Wednesday, 10.04am **

 

**Tony:** hey kid

 

**Peter:** what’s up mr stark?

 

**Tony:** wait

**Tony:** aren’t you supposed to be in school right now? 

**Tony:** ARE YOU SKIPPING CLASS 

 

**Peter:** no… it’s just my break….

**Peter:** but i can skip my next class if there’s an important mission :D

 

**Tony:** nice try

**Tony:** anyway the team’s gonna be over at my place for a dinner this Friday night, you wanna join?

 

**Peter:** …the team?

 

**Tony:** yeah capt, nat, bruce, the usual

**Tony:** well except vision and wanda… they’re having some weird thing going on now  & I don’t rly want to see them make out at my place lol

**Tony:** oh and ‘tchalla’s not joining us cause he thinks he’s too cool for us

 

**Peter:** well i mean he is the coolest one in the team…

 

**Tony:** I’m going to pretend you never said that.

**Tony:** but don’t forget who gave you your suit

**Tony:** ok now let's start over. who did you say is the coolest one in the team?

 

**Peter:** ‘tchalla said shuri called my suit lame…. :-( 

 

**Tony:** … I’ll speak to that asshole.

 

**Peter:**  i mean, it’s fine… but what about bruce and nat?

 

**Tony:** what about them?

 

**Peter:** don’t they have something weird going on as well….?

 

**Tony:** what

**Tony:** …

**Tony:** ok y’know what I’m gonna settle that as well. but are you joining us? cause if you are I’m gonna have to make sure Clint and Thor have no way of breaking into my alcohol cabinet.

 

**Peter:**  i mean, of course i’ll join!

**Peter:** also i’m okay with drinking, mr stark :D

 

**Tony:** 1) once again, nice try 2) could you do me a favour though?

 

**Peter:** yeah?

 

**Tony:** could you ask thor if he’s attending the dinner? he kinda doesn’t know about it yet

 

**Peter:** sure but… isn’t it easier for you to ask him about it?

 

**Tony:** less questions, more action son

 

**Peter:** um okay then… 

 

**Tony:** great, have fun at school. happy will pick you up from your place at 6pm on friday. 

 

* * *

 

** Wednesday, 3.45pm **

 

**Peter:** hey thor!

 

**Thor:** Greetings Peter! How’s school these days?

 

**Peter:**  it’s been okay, kinda miss being around you guys tho.. 

**Peter:** but also mr stark asked me to tell you that they’re having dinner over at his place on friday night, are you coming?

 

**Thor:** Well I’m not sure why Tony didn’t just ask me but yes of course, I would love to!

 

**Peter:** great! see you then :D

 

**Thor:** See you Peter, but what is “:D”? 

 

**Peter:** huh

**Peter:** oh right..

**Peter:** it’s a smiley face, look at it from the side!

 

**Thor:** What? 

 

**Peter:** umm… tilt your phone to the right by 90 degrees

 

**Thor:** Oh yes I see it! This is impressive

 

**Peter:** haha it’s just internet slang

 

**Thor:** Slang… what’s that? 

 

**Thor:** Peter? What’s “slang”?

 

**Thor:** Peter? 

 

* * *

 

** Wednesday, 5.00pm **

 

**Tony:** hey steve wanna come over to my place later tonight? 

**Tony:** also I still cant really decide between these two… so I’m just gonna ask you, which do you prefer? 

 

** Tony sent two images **

 

* * *

**Wednesday, 7.00pm**

 

**Tony:** um… hope you’re not mad that I hung out with strange that day? I just didn’t wanna have dinner alone… 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alrightt so there's a little bit more breakdowns in this one: 
> 
> Peter > Tony: really trusts and respects tony, often sees him as a father figure tho he keeps his distance bc he's still can't fully understand tony
> 
> Tony > Peter: really LOVES AND DOTES on peter and treats him like a son, but is sometimes apprehensive because he's still uncomfortable with taking responsibility for another human being entirely.
> 
> Peter & Thor: ok they are barely close but peter lowkey thinks thor is (in a cool way) weird bc??? a demigod???? there is a real Generation Gap between them but thor still adores peter (lbr who doesn't), and thinks he's cool 
> 
> Tony > Steve: idk how to describe this LOL,,,,, tony loves to play around but he's still insecure and bc capt does things in such a different way he's still trying to figure out their relationship (ask him and he will say he's not even sure if what he feels is platonic/romantic) 
> 
> Steve > Tony: he has troubles understanding tony fully and keeping pace with him bc tony is just... so much. but he does enjoy their dinners together (lol he an old fashioned man), and knows that tony intentionally makes compromises for him.


	4. The Aftermath 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this takes place after the supposed team dinner on friday night and as yall prolly already expected, it is a mess. these r superheroes with zero (0) self control,,,, 
> 
> also tony loves to stir shit as always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok it's been some time since the last chapter bc i didnt have any base draft to work on but please enjoy this (slightly) short chapter; this will also be ending soon bc i have another sort of idea,,, so i dont wanna drag this too much

** Saturday, 11.00am **

 

**Bruce:** TONY WHAT THE HEFUCK IS GOING ON 

 

**Tony:** geez it’s 11 let the hulk sleep a little 

 

**Bruce:** 1) i'm pretty sure the hulk isn’t out 2) i'm pretty sure I DIDN’T let the hulk out last night so 3) WHY THE FUCK AM I NAKED AND WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES 

 

**Tony:** relax banner… your clothes are right outside the room 

 

**Bruce:** …the room which you have locked?? from the outside???? what a genius, tony.

 

**Tony:** I know right

**Tony:** I just wanna ask you some questions 

 

**Bruce:** what

 

**Tony:** so what’s up with you and ms romanoff? 

 

**Bruce:** wow

**Bruce:** are you for fucking real

**Bruce:** you literally stripped me naked while I was asleep so you could ask me if there was anything going on with me and nat? jealous much...

 

**Tony:** YOU’RE CALLING HER NAT WHAT IS UP WITH YOU TWO 

 

**Bruce:** LITERALLY EVERYONE CALLS HER NAT WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

 

**Tony:** OKAY THAT’S TRUE BUT SITLL

 

**Bruce:** STILL WHAT

 

**Bruce:** if you really wanna know… there’s literally?? nothing??? Idk about last night because shit always happens when the team gets drunk looooool but compared to you and steve I’m pretty sure there’s nothing between us anymore... 

**Bruce:**  ... that one time was a MISTAKE

**Bruce:** oh what’s up with you and steve btw… y’all barely spoke last night

 

**Bruce:** tony? 

 

 

** Saturday, 11.45am **

 

**Tony:** WAS THERE A NEED TO HIT ME SO HARD 

**Tony:**  i could have a fractured skull right now and that’ll be all your fault

 

**Nat:** sounds like you’re fine

 

**Tony:**  i could sue you for assault

 

**Nat:** yeah and i’m pretty sure i could sue you for kidnap?? tony literally what the fuck

 

**Tony:** ok but it was kinda funny admit it…

 

**Nat:** BRUCE COULD’VE HULKED OUT

 

**Tony:** LOL ONLY IF HE WAS NERVOUS WHICH WOULD PROVE ME RIGHT

 

**Nat:** … the one time i trust your planning this shit happens

**Nat:**  i already had to carry Clint back last night and i cant believe i’m driving with a half naked man in the backseat

 

**Tony:** it’s not my fault he lost his shirt while he was drunk

**Tony:** please also tell Clint he now owes me $300000 for completely blasting the security lock on my alcohol cabinet

 

**Nat:** … fine

**Nat:** you should check on Peter btw… I thought I saw him while dragging Clint out of your place at 2am

 

**Tony:** what

**Tony:** I sent him home at 10 

 

**Nat:** yeah but you were also dancing on the table drunk while waving him away

 

**Tony:** …

**Tony:**  brb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok hope yall enjoyed this short one! and here's the rs part:
> 
> Tony > Bruce: tony loves to tests bruce's limits fsr and pushes the science bros things a bit too far sometimes,,,, 
> 
> Bruce > Tony: is rly sick of tony's shit but still cant rly get mad at him cos he knows tony just loves to fool around,,,
> 
> Bruce & Nat: they kinda did try but it kinda didnt work out and now things r awkward,, and bruce still relies on nat a lot and nat trusts him but they both would just rather keep it at that


	5. The Aftermath 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony finds peter and has to dad it out (ft peter's texting language and tony's bad cleaning up abilities...)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is another short one because i didnt want to overcrowd it with too many short conversations, though peter is of legal drinking age you can probably imagine him being 1) completely unaware of his alcohol tolerance level 2) innocently tricked by the rest of the avengers who are almost all irresponsible adults,,,

** Saturday, 12.00pm **

 

**Tony:** kid you up already?

 

**Tony:** peter I know you are reading these

 

**Peter:** mr stark… i don’t feel so good :(

 

**Tony:** oh my god

**Tony:** I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE AT 10 

 

**Peter:** yeah but thor was telling me about how he got his hammer and everything… and then clint offered me sparkling orange juice?? idk it looked like that… and then capt wanted to play frisbee with his shield…

 

**Tony:** EVEN STEVE???? geez they literally have no control

**Tony:** anyway where are you

 

**Peter:** i’m in the basement

 

**Tony:** … how… did I not see you

**Tony:** wait did you see anything last night

 

**Peter:** nope i passed out and just woke up… 

 

**Tony:** good. come out here I’ll make you some soup and get you home. 

**Tony:** just tell aunt may you fell asleep and I didn’t wanna wake you up, ok?

 

**Peter:** um…

 

**Peter:**  i don’t wanna go ://

 

**Tony:** what why 

**Tony:** it’s just a hangover you’ll get over it

 

**Peter:** um… :/

 

**Tony:** … what’s going on 

 

* * *

 

** Saturday, 2.00pm **

 

**Tony:** I can't believe that actually happened

**Tony:** please never get drunk again

**Tony:**  WHO SHAVES THEIR HEAD DRUNK???

 

**Peter:** … dr. strange said he was giving me a haircut…

 

**Tony:** strange is a surgeon, he cuts people up. you’re lucky you still have your baldass head in one piece.

 

**Peter:** sorry.. i must’ve been dead drunk…

**Peter:**  i thought they were all light drinks… then before i knew it i felt kinda :///

 

**Tony:** what the hell is that supposed to mean

 

**Peter:** yknow… like a little ._. and :(( and then DD: 

 

**Tony:** … please never talk to me like that again. 

 

**Tony:** anyway you know what to tell aunt may right? 

 

**Peter:** yeah… will it work though? head lice is a pretty…. unusual excuse

 

**Tony:** you got a better idea?

 

**Peter:** no… 

 

**Tony:** exactly. so tell aunt may we’re all bald now thanks to clint’s bad hygiene habits. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope y'all liked this chapter and caught the mini IW reference! tony and peter's relationship have been explained before already so i'll just briefly talk about tony and clint:
> 
> Tony & Clint: tony blames clint for literally everything, because 90% of the time it's clint's fault, and the remaining 10% is just tony's way of showing his love. clint's also one of the chillest person in the team and doesnt get pissy (READ: UNLIKE THOR AND BRUCE AND STEVE) because he makes most of the mess anyway.


	6. happy ever after?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things are all cleared up, tony is back to being the shitty yet irresistible asshat he is, things are ALL GOOD. mostly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter took a loooooooong time because i couldnt bear to end it but i didnt want to drag it past anything also. it isnt as funny or anything because it's mainly clearing things up and i'll ramble more at the end!

** Sunday, 5.00pm  **

 

**Steve:** Hey Tony! So those gifts were from you?? Man… thanks! Sorry I just saw the messages, haha!

 

**Tony:** … are you for fucking real

**Tony:** I literally thought you were mad at me 

**Tony:** turns out you just NEVER LOOK AT THE SMARTPHONE I GAVE YOU?

 

**Steve:** What why? Why would I be mad at you?

**Steve:** And you know I hate to use this stupid thing. Even typing is so difficult why are the letters so near to one another?? 

 

**Tony:** … keep up grandma 

**Tony:** idk nat told me you said I was flirting with strange?? and then you didn’t reply any of my messages???? and even on friday you completely ignored me???

 

**Steve:** … I wasn’t ignoring you? It’s just with things now I rarely get to see the team aside from you and nat

**Steve:** also I said that flirting with strange thing as a joke

**Steve:** unless, of course, you were actually flirting with him…..

 

**Tony:** LOL WHAT NO.

 

**Steve:** I mean during the dinner you two seemed pretty cozy

 

**Tony:** LOL GOOD JOKE 

**Tony:** anyways it’s nice to know you don’t hate me and I was just being paranoid let’s drop this conversation

 

**Steve:** … 

 

**Tony:** soooooooo u wanna come over? I think we can both use a drink

**Tony:** and maybe a cuddle

 

**Steve:** Tony…

 

**Tony:** it’s a sunday, even fury would take a day off. 

 

**Steve:** Fine, I’ll be there at 9

 

* * *

 

** Sunday, 7.00pm **

 

**Thor:** Hey Tony! Just wanted to say thanks as always for planning the dinner, I sure enjoyed myself!

 

**Tony:** don’t mention it thor, thought you could use some time away from your family

 

**Thor:** Yeah things have been pretty chaotic with Loki as usual… but y’know, it’s always good meeting friends! :D

 

**Tony:** yup it always helps

 

**Tony:** wait

**Tony:** why are you doing that

 

**Thor:** Doing what?

 

**Tony:** that

**Tony:** that smiley thing

 

**Thor:** Oh, that ‘:D’? Haha it’s internet slang! Peter taught me over at yours on Friday, isn’t it impressive? LMAO! 

 

**Tony:** …

**Tony:** nat was right my plans never end well…

 

**Thor:** Plans? What plans? IDGI 

 

**Thor:** Tony? 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i realised i never talked about thor and tony so: 
> 
> Thor & tony: mutual understanding and GREAT working partners because even though they have different belief systems they always respect each other enough to not clash too much. thor thinks tony is from another universe because tony is So Weird and unpredictable, and tony thinks thor is the "dopest god" (to quote peter). tony also shows a great deal of understanding towards thor's Family Situation. 
> 
> ok minor treats as well!   
> 1) in Aftermath 2, when tony asked peter if he saw anything tony was actually referring to him literally stripping bruce naked and locking him in a room in the basement for the 'interrogation'.   
> 2) the interrogation was because yes tony was a little jealous and bruce could totally tell. tony just likes to be dramatic about things..   
> 3) as yall would prolly know, tony didnt want to talk to thor directly because he has troubles communicating with usual internet slang... 
> 
> that's it. i hope yall liked this & thanks for all the comments!! I'll be editing the chapters to clean up the inconsistent formatting in some chapters (i did notice them...) but otherwise this piece is completed!!


End file.
